


Photographic Memory

by tamagoyaki



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Moderately Slow Build, Photography
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-08 05:08:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15923498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamagoyaki/pseuds/tamagoyaki
Summary: "Tsu-kun remembers only the things he has taken a photo of." Nana shares casually, like it's just another simple fact of life.All of Reborn's plans for him come to a screeching halt."...What do you mean?""It means just that, Reborn-kun." Nana's smile is both tactfully even and protective. "Tsu-kun's a boy who requires a little bit more attention, that's all."Alternatively, Tsuna has photographic memory, just not of the usual strain.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> "Do you remember what you were doing on the 14th of June?" Asked an avid photographer to an MC on 'Hello Counselor'. 
> 
> What if someone does remember, and suffers because of it?

Something is wrong. _Something is very wrong._

That should not be the first thought that grips her in its chilly grasp the first time she lays eyes on her young son after three days of being lost in her Iemitsu-induced haze. Absently, the memories her mind shuffles through shows Tsu-kun having fun playing by himself in the edge of every Iemitsu-focused moment. Tsu-kun had been well-fed, bathed, played with (by a very boisterous Iemitsu. Oh, her darling) and Tsu-kun should have been less lonely even if slightly shy to have a father around. He was, in that moment when Iemitsu was here.

And now, Tsu-kun’s not.

“T-Tsu-kun…? Didn’t you hear me call for you…?” Unease clings onto her firmly.

Tsu-kun’s a stranger in her own house, perched motionlessly on the sofa, gaze unmoving, _unseeing_ , as he takes in the moving pictures on the television without a word. He’s a doll with its strings cut, ready to tumble at the slightest touch or murmur.

Nana holds back her shudder.

This is her child. This is Tsu-kun. She has to be a good mother to him.

“Tsu-kun?” Nana calls out a little firmer, kneeling before him. “What’s wrong? Do you miss otou-san?”

Tsu-kun gazes at her unseeingly.

Tsu-kun has never failed to reply before.

Nana’s brows furrow.

“Did you get a fever…?”

A well-intended gesture to feel his head for a fever has Nana leaning in slightly. Long brown locks tumble over her shoulders and spills inches before Tsu-kun’s face. She realizes it at the same time as her forehead touches Tsu-kun’s. Tsu-kun is not breathing. Nana jerks back, eyes widening in shock. Chores-roughened hands fly to her baby’s face, patting, clinging.

“T-Tsu-kun?! Wha-?! Say something…!”

He’s cold. He’s cold as ice, and it takes all Nana can to not burst out in tears then.

She has Iemitsu on the speed dial. She rings him up at the same time as she picks up her Tsu-kun, a storm brushing through the entrance and the doors, and the streets, as she races to the nearest hospital, panicked assurances falling from her lips.

“You’re going to be alright, Tsu-kun! Mama’s going to make sure you’re fine, if it’s the last thing I do—” _Click._ “Iemitsu!” Nana calls out in a warbling voice on the verge of sobs. Tsuna’s so limp in her arms, bouncing with every step like he’s nothing more than an inanimate object. “Iemitsu, Tsuna is—He’s not—” She hiccups, breathes in deeply. “He’s not _breathing_. He’snotmovinghe’snotcryinghe’snottalkingtome—Iemitsu, _what should I do?_ ”

Her voice cracks near the end.

They’re a little way to go before they reach the hospital.

There is a pause – a long pause, one where she hears every breath and bustling of the airport, and the distant voice of Iemitsu’s kindly, aged boss.

_Beep._

In the next instance, the call is hung up.

Nana breaks down just as she reaches the entrance of the hospital.

She does the admission procedures by herself.

…

“Tsu-kun.”

Nana stays by her son’s bedside, even if his father wouldn’t.

“Tsu-kun, wake up.” She whispers, a broken record playing on repeat. “Wake up, please.”

She traces his small tiny hands. Hands which she had held since he was born and hands which had wrapped happily around her the first time he succeeded in walking. Hands which led her along when she was lost in the postnatal depression following Iemitsu’s leaving.

Nana’s breathing shallowly as she lifts her head from where she’s lying on his bed.

Tsu-kun looks empty every time she looks up, the very image of the vegetative state the doctors had been so puzzled about. Nana can’t bear to look at his face, can’t bear to remember glassy brown eyes reflecting the dim light of the television. She can’t bear to remember her own reflection in those blank eyes – What kind of mother had she been in his eyes?

(One that’s terrible, surely, if she can’t even remember when he took a hit that’s hard enough to comatose him.)

Her phone’s buzzing. It’s been buzzing for quite a while. Nana’s bottling up emotions she fears would overflow if she dares look. She picks up her phone anyways and reads every apologetic, worried message Iemitsu’s sent with hardening, tearing eyes.

[ _I’m sorry._ ]

[ _There was an accident here when you called._ ]

[ _How is Tsuna?_ ]

Nana has checked every news media.

There’s not a thing about Japan’s airport having an incident.

The words that’s been bottled up materialize in the form of hard bitter words, brash in ways she wouldn’t have thought of throwing at her husband before.

[He’s well no thanks to you-]

She lifts her phone, fully intent on taking a picture of Tsuna in his hospital bed to hit home her message.

It’s an ugly picture, one that pains her in every way. Because it’s her baby, and Tsu-kun should be the last person to be lying limply, swallowed up by sheets and hooked to life supporters in every inch of his body. Nana takes one look at the picture and claps a hand over her mouth. Her eyes squeeze shut as silent screams threaten to tear their way out of her throat. Why does Iemitsu have to cause her pain even when he’s not around?

“…uh.”

A soft sound drifts into the air then.

Nana shakes, having mistaken another child for her own for too many times, but it’s when fluttery touches light enough to hurt brushes against the crown of her head that she dares to look up.

Tsuna is awake, head tilted as he peers at her with a puzzled look.

“…Uhh…” He says, looking cross-eyed down at his own mouth then at her.

Tiny hands brush over the top of her head.

“Aaaah—”

Tsu-kun goes silent when Nana throws herself at him, protective arms wrapping around him.

“Tsu-kun, Tsu-kun! You’re awake! Thank god you’re awake! Mama won’t let anyone hurt you again, alright?! Make sure to stay around Mama at all times—” She’s blubbering. Nana can’t control it. She’s so happy, she doesn’t even care to be angry about Iemitsu anymore. He’s the furthest thing from her mind in this instance.

It takes time before her sniffling comes to a stop. Three seconds pass before she realizes something’s still very wrong.

“Tsu…kun?” Nana draws back to peer at her baby.

Tsuna is still stationary, seated up limply, held upright by her grip. There’s concern in his eyes as he peers up at her. But at the same time, there’s confusion in his eyes, wide and scared of everything. He reaches up, curls his fingers into her larger hands, coos weird babyish noises she vaguely recalls him making up till the age of two. Then, with two hands lifting up and dropping down on her lap in a manner far too similar to that one video she’d recorded with her phone of Tsu-kun’s first word, he says—

“Kaa-shan!”

The exact same slur and beam of when he’s two.

Nana knows then, that her world’s going to change dizzyingly for the second time since Iemitsu entered her life.


	2. Sawada Nana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Rules of this universe:  
>  \- Tsuna remembers his identity only through photos taken of him with his camera.  
> \- Tsuna remembers other things and learns through only the photos he takes of others.  
> \- All memories Tsuna keeps are seen through the lenses of the camera. **
> 
> This story is a collection of different characters' POV revolving around Sawada Tsunayoshi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- A person doesn't grow stronger overnight. I hope people will relate to Nana's struggles with an emotionally unavailable partner in parenting.  
> \- Tsuna is born in year 2000 in this fic.

The world is cold, droning on and on in a heartless monotone hiding the fangs that threaten to bear out at them.

“Make sure that Tsunayoshi-kun has this thrice a day. This is in case of a fever. This is your appointment card. Please book an appointment with us three days in advance to avoid a long wait.”

The nurse takes great care to slide it into the compact bag Nana had brought in advance. She kindly hands it to Nana with both hands. And just when Nana thinks the world might not be as bad as she thinks, the nurse eyes her Tsu-kun with more numbers than fondness in her gaze.

“Are you sure you would like Tsunayoshi-kun to be discharged so soon, Ma’am?”

Nana tightens her grip over her sleeping angel instinctively. The question has already been asked so many times (for research, for inspection, for his ‘health’), she’s lost count of her number of refusals.

“I’m quite sure, dearie.” Even her usual optimism doesn’t show itself in her strained smile. Nana slings the bag over her shoulder, nods at the nurse with the warmth she had shown the first few days. “Thank you for your help, Kanzaki-san.”

“Not at all, Ma’am. Please take care.” The nurse offers a gentle smile.

Nana stalks out into the street, pitter-patters splashing above her umbrella as she berates herself for her immediate guardedness.

Not everyone in this world is out to get her. Even if Tsu-kun has now reverted to nothing but the memories contained in her phone, there must still be someone who is willing to help – someone who is not Iemitsu, who speaks but is never there at the most precarious moment. The truth may show itself in the form of the housewife, balancing three overnight bags and a sleeping child, and an umbrella overhead (Her nails dig into the metal of the umbrella), but someday, someone will come to her aid. She must believe that, or her child will never see the brighter side to this.

Tsuna shifts against her shoulder, fist pressed to his mouth in the same manner he did at a month old, and blinks up at her from under brown lashes.

“Kaa-shan?”

Nana sees the light of her world, the true meaning to her life that’s not Iemitsu. And she smiles down at her child through tear-glazed vision.

“That’s right, Tsu-kun. It’s Kaa-san.”

And Tsu-kun nuzzles back into her collarbone, falling back to sleep the same way he did in her one-month baby shower video.

Nana bites back her tears as she carries on through the rain, Tsu-kun asleep on her arm.

She has to be strong from now on.

(Even if she does break down in the privacy of her room, warm and safe and Tsu-kun, alive, tucked by her side.)

…

_14.10.2000:_

_“—hank you.”_

_The screen brightens with a click. Through the blurry focus hindered by a white gloved hand, the handler removes themselves to redirect the camera to the heart of the medical room. Sawada Nana lays, propped up, arms cradling the precious treasure in her arms with drooping thick brown locks shielding her expression from view._

_“Thank you.” She repeats, voice quivering, eyes squeezing out tears that fall onto the pink newborn. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much, for being born… Tsunayoshi.”_

_Trembling fingers trace over the newborn’s face._

_“Thank you.”_

_The shutter goes with an electronic click. The moment records itself in the form of a picture._

…

Nana wakes, feeling sweaty, dirty, with ugly sticky tear tracks on her face. She takes great care to tuck Tsuna in, wrapping sheets around him in a manner she once did to prevent her one-year old from climbing out of his cradle again, and she slips into the washroom to clean herself up.

Tsu-kun is awake and wriggling in the sheets when she returns.

Nana takes one look at him, all tangled up, all grouchy, and she releases a giggle that has Tsu-kun looking up at her, bug-eyed. Nana smiles, drops her half-curled fist from where she’d brought it up to stifle her laughter abashedly. It’s nice, to know there’s still something that could bring joy in the midst of their situation.

Breakfast is a troubling affair.

Nana watches Tsu-kun climb onto the chair the way she’d recorded it. Then, she eyes the way her son digs in like he used to as a one-year-old – all messy, with half the omelettes ending on his clothes and the other half in his mouth.

She’s relieved she had the foresight to not clean him beforehand.

She’s resentful of her past self, to not have taken a picture of Tsu-kun eating at age three just because Iemitsu hinted that her pictures are “not something a man would be proud of later”. How could she have been so foolish? (But somewhere deep within, she’d always known he wasn’t ready to be a part of this family. What father runs off for his dream without taking care of his child?)

And yet, when Tsu-kun blinks at her gaze (like with her camera) and looks up at her to give a toothy food-smothered smile around his spoon, Nana can’t help the smile that leaps to her face.

She reaches down to brush away a fraction of the eggs that are on his face.

“What a messy eater you are, ne, Tsu-kun?” She teases him like she did years ago.

Tsu-kun blinks large eyes at her. He giggles and slams his spoon down on the table.

Nana winces at the egg that splatters on her hair, but smiles evenly and makes the resolution to reteach Tsu-kun some eating manners.

She can do this.

…

_14.11.2000:_

_Click._

_“—This is a very sad baby shower, is what I think.” Says the man who blinks into view, tan, tall, white-clothed with dark, spiky hair. He’s seated across the table with the camera handler._

_“Eh? Is that so? I think this is a pretty nice party, actually.” Nana giggles off camera._

_“That’s because you’re not the one eating baby food.” The man deadpans, peering at their sons. “How’s that, Takeshi, Tsuna? Having fun drinking baby formula? How about this old man make a sushi blend for you or two? It’s delicious.”_

_The camera swivels to the pair in their baby chairs. The two infants in question exchange innocent, uncomprehending looks and peer up at the strange old man obliviously._

_“How about some fish sauce for you too, dear?” A dainty waitress in kimono smiles prettily as she saunters to the table. She places the bottle down before him. “It’s delicious_ _♡_ _”_

_The man makes a strangled sound._

_“Okusan, please—Spare me of your trashy tastebuds.” He pretends to faint._

_Nana fails to muffle her laugh._

_“Oh, Tsuyoshi-san, you’re really-!” She gasps for breath. The camera shakes haphazardly in her hands. The nicely dressed waitress smiles as she slides into the seat beside her husband._

_“So?” Tsuyoshi rolls his eyes but offers a languid smile. “What’re you planning to do with that phone? Just hand it over already, if a photo for that no-good husband of yours is what you’re after. I’m a pretty good photographer, if I dare say so myself.” He puffs up proudly, a teasing smile gracing the mischievous man’s lips._ _The camera shakes with every giggle as it exchanges hands._

_Nana comes into view, leaning sideways into her brown-haired child._

_“That’s what he says, but he’s only ever taken photos of fish in the last couple of years.” The waitress’ polite voice drifts in smoothly._

_“Oh hush, Miyuki. Tsunayoshi’s a type of tuna too you know? I’m not failing on this one.”_

_Nana presses a hand to her lips, muffling her giggles._

_“Isn’t calling my son a tuna pretty mean, Tsuyoshi-san?” Her face flushes with laughter._

_“I’m taking it now~” Calls out the man in an attempt to distract._

_Nana picks up her son’s hand. She flashes a peace sign with her other._

_“One, two—”_

_Snap!_

…

She can’t do it.

Nana can’t do anything to help her child.

Nana tries for weeks and fails.

Every attempt at getting Tsuna to do something different than the ones in her phone is met with that frightening blankness. Even though she used the same methods of teaching that succeeded before. (“Hold your spoon like this, Tsu-kun.” She tightens her grasp of his hand over the spoon. “Pick it up to your mouth, and chew like Kaa-san is doing—”) Even though Tsu-kun is three and should be able to do those things. (“How old are you, Tsu-kun?” Nana asks in tears for the seventh time. Tsuna stares up at her blankly. “One? Two? Three? How old are you?” He doesn’t answer.) Even though she looks up every method and tries them all out desperately. (“Say Kaa-san for me, Tsu-kun? Kaa- _san_.” “…kaa-shan…?” Tsuna slurs. He looks disheartened when Nana’s face drops. Why can’t he say it?) Every attempt is met with that same. Blank. Look.

It doesn’t help that every time she tries, Nana only discovers more of what she’s lost.

Tsu-kun used to say ‘Kaa-san’.

Tsu-kun used to hate veggies.

Tsu-kun used to like cartoons.

Tsu-kun used to play ball.

Tsu-kun used to be scared of small puppies.

Tsu-kun used to hate bathing.

Tsu-kun… Tsu-kun…

Tsuna used to be able to cry.

Nana has never recorded a moment of Tsuna crying, because that isn’t what Iemitsu wants. She knew, that Iemitsu’s wish is to go on pursuing his dream (what dream? She thinks bitterly these days), to be freed of his family even for a second even if that means he has to run to the other side of the world. That’s why she never recorded a single moment of her baby ordeals, because that wasn’t what Iemitsu needed to know. Because Nana wanted to prove that she’s capable. A strong wife who could care for her family. So that Iemitsu knows he has a stable home to come back to when he’s willing to face his family.

And now… Nana has never hated herself more for not recording these moments.

Because it’s in them that she has found the son she has today.

…

_25.01.2002:_

_The screen blurs into view. Turning an uncomfortable ninety degrees, the camera is lifted to the year old boy trapped within his baby chair._

_“Is it delicious, Tsu-kun? Look at you, eating so messily.”_

_The camera handler giggles. Nana extends a hand out to grab a napkin to wipe off the smears on her son’s face. Tsu-kun’s giggling adorably around a wooden spoon as he peers up at the camera with shining, bright eyes. He reaches out, groping with plump, tiny fingers._

_“Smile for the camera, Tsu-kun. You’re so cute now, aren’t you?” She coos._

_The infant blinks bright eyes. He doesn’t comprehend, but his face stays in that same endearing smile. “Gaaah-Aaah!” He reaches out with smeared dirty fingers just as the camera snaps. A giggling infant reaching out with motion-blurred hands remains saved in memory._

…

“Lift your spoon up, Tsu-kun. Hold it properly.”

The calendar in the living room marks an official one month since Tsuna’s discharge.

Still, Tsuna’s holding up the spoon with his whole hand rather than between fingers, plopping a spoonful of goo into his mouth, half-spilling out. Nana’s shaking, trembling, as she rises from her seat with a clatter. Her plateful of fruits goes untouched. She smiles with reddened eyes, lifting her baby Tsuna from his chair like she did when he’s one and incapable of walking. (He’s a little bigger, a little heavier. But if she tries hard enough, she could imagine he’s still one, right?)

“Kaa-shan!” Tsuna looks up at her with large eyes, spoon still in hand. (One year old Tsuna never called her by that.)

“Forget eating, Tsu-kun. Kaa-san will feed you later.” Nana musters a shaky smile, prying the spoon from sticky hands. “Let’s take a bath for now, alright?”

Tsuna goes limp in her grasp, brown eyes as blank as that first day when she found him. Nana tries to ignore it. It’s her fault for not having recorded a video of bathing Tsuna. Tsuna never did like baths. Moments later, following his blankness, Tsuna resets to that one video Nana have of him chirping an enthusiastic ‘yes’ at the camera to macaroni for snacks.

“Kaa-shan! Yes!” He beams happily.

Tsuna never did like baths.

…

_25.12.2003 [Recording]:_

_“Tsuna, do you love Kaa-san?”_

_The question catches the toddler watching the television off guard. Lowering his head shyly, the toddler shuffles up against the camera owner, tiny hands groping until Nana bends down to indulge him. The camera drops into fabric as the boy pulls himself closer, reaching up to plant an out-of-screen kiss on Nana’s cheek._

_“Oh, my~” Nana giggles._

_The phone camera is once more lifted._

_“Tsuna…loves Kaa-shan.” The brunette boy fiddles with his fingers._

_“You slurred, how cute.” Nana giggles, shaking the camera’s view more whilst the boy flushes and lowers his head. A hand reaches out to comb through his locks. “But you know, Kaa-san loves you too, more than anyone else in this whole wide world. No one can compare to you, not even Tou-san. So can you pinky promise to be good when Tou-san comes home?” She extends her pinky to him._

_Tsuna frowns. He looks hesitantly at her pinky for a long silent moment._

_“…Kaa-shan will be happy?” He ducks his head at his slur again._

_“Kaa-san will be very happy.” Nana agrees._

_“…Okay. Tsuna, pinky promise.” They interlink fingers._

_“Thank you, Tsu-kun.” Nana pulls him into her side._

_End Recording._

…

Nana is alone, swiping through pictures of her baby, when she finally breaks down.

“Tsu-kun, I’m sorry.” Her breaths come hitched. She sniffles and the tears slide down.

Even though she doesn’t want them to. Even though it’s unfair that she’s able to cry and her Tsuna can’t. It’s _unfair_ , that all she has remaining of her precious baby is limited to what’s contained in her phone. Never has she wanted so much to reach for her phone and unblock Iemitsu so as to hear his voice. Never in her life has she hated herself so much for that.

“ _I’m sorry._ If only kaa-san had paid more attention to you when he was here… you wouldn’t be in the state you are right now.”

And she sobs and clasps her hands together, as if in a prayer for the son that’s not here or anywhere in this world any longer.

Tsuna used to say ‘kaa-san’.

The first time she heard him say that was also one of the brightest moments of her life.

Tsuna used to hate veggies.

He said they make his poop green.

Tsuna used to like cartoons.

He wanted to be big and strong like the robot in them one day. (So he could protect his kaa-san.)

Tsuna used to be able to cry.

Up until someone dropped him on the head and rendered him into fragments.

“Kaa-shan…?” She hears Tsuna, soft as the day he woke up.

Nana straightens, hands flying to wipe her face clean of tears. Tsuna doesn’t deserve a useless mother on top of a useless father.

Her son is standing at the entrance to the living room, clad in pyjamas with Mr Bunny tucked under his arm like he did at two.

Large brown eyes take her in blankly. They’re voided of the tears Tsuna had the first time he caught her crying.

Nana musters a shaky smile, trying to be strong for her son.

“W-What’s wrong, Tsu-kun?” Her heart races. Tsuna hasn’t a single photo of himself crying, so maybe – _maybe_ she could pretend it’s nothing big if she tries hard enough?

Tsuna toddles forward on clumsy feet. He joins her at the sofa, pressing in warmly against the side of her thighs and nudging his face into her arm like he did days prior to Iemitsu’s arrival. Tsuna looks up. His eyes are still as wide and empty as ever, tiny hands trailing the wetness on her face, lips parted and closing as if lacking the memories to say what’s normally said in this scenario. A tear drops onto his face. He looks like he’s crying like that.

But Tsu-kun can’t. Because Tsu-kun doesn’t have the memories of it. It’s impossible, right? Nana sniffles and raises a hand to wipe away the brimming waterworks. She should stop having her hopes up again and again.

_Snap._

Nana freezes.

Tsuna has gotten his hands on her phone, and Tsuna has taken a photo of her crying.

“Kaa-shan.” Tsuna throws his arms around her waist, burying his face into her side again. “Kaa-shan.”

Nana freezes, wide-eyed, at the warm wetness sinking through her clothes, at the shivering small shoulders pressed up against her, at Tsu-kun’s quivering voice caught in the back of his throat. For a moment, she doesn’t dare breathe. What if this is just another false hope? What if it’s just another dream?

“Tsu-kun—” She reaches out and gently pries his face away from her arm.

The most beautiful brown eyes, tearing with large droplets, meets her gaze.

“Kaa-shan.” Tsuna sniffles, like how she did moments ago. His hands flail as they try to reach out to press a half-hug into her side. “Kaa-shan.” He wails, loud and dishevelled.

It takes a moment before Nana realizes she has pulled Tsuna into a fierce hug, overwhelmed and eyes stinging with tears renewed. Because finally, through the repetitive days stuck in endless attempts to shift Tsuna’s time, it seems like there’s at long last a ray of hope. And even if Tsu-kun doesn’t yet remember that he hated baths and veggies, even if her Tsu-kun doesn’t remember how to call her ‘Kaa-san’ properly yet, it’s enough that Tsu-kun knows how to cry and be a child again. And Nana’s happy with just that.

…

_01.04.2001:_

_Tsuna sad. Tsuna no like Tsuna in pain. Tsuna make ugly face._

_“Food’s ready, Tsu-kun. Look here! Here’s some soft food for your poor aching teeth!” Mama smile. Mama make soft food. Tsuna like._

_Tsuna frown at toy. Tsuna no like bite toys. Tsuna throw toy._

_“You shouldn’t do that, Tsu-kun.” Mama bend down. Mama short as Tsuna. Mama use apron wipe Tsuna mouth. It soft and nice. “Your chewing toys are going to be all dirty now, aren’t they –” Mama stop. Mama giggle. Mama move Mama hand. Tsu-kun see Tsu-kun mouth around apron. “So cute~ Aprons are not for biting, Tsuna.”_

_But Tsu-kun like Kaa-shan apron better._

_Snap._

_…_

_18.05.2001 [Recording - Unsent]:_

_“Please, just come back, dear—Even though I love Tsuna so much, it’s too much. I can’t – I can’t raise a family by myself and –”_

_Mama make strange sound. Mama has water in eyes._

_Tsuna no like._

_“Gruaah!”_

_“Tsuna-?!” Mama stand up. Mama put down camera. “How did you get out of your cot? You’re—”_

_“Bu-hyah!” Tsuna hungry. Mama no make food for Tsuna because Mama has water in eyes. Tsuna no like water in Mama eyes._

_Mama stop. Mama laugh._

_“Oh dear, I must have forgotten to make lunch for you again. What a klutz I am, aren’t I? Kaa-san’s lucky I have a big capable boy like you to remind me of your meals.” Mama smile. Mama go pick Tsuna up. Tsuna see Tsuna pat Mama face when Mama come back to phone. Good Mama when Mama smile. Mama stop smile. Ah… “But no more climbing out of the cot, Tsu-kun. Tsu-kun is a very bad boy when you do that.” Mama frown._

_Tsuna got scolded._

_Tsuna sad._

_End Recording._

_…_

_28.07.2001 [Recording]:_

_“Just a bit more, Tsuna! Just try a bit more!” Hands smack. Mama happy._

_Tsuna rising in Tsuna eyes. Tsuna drop and Tsuna cry._

_“Oh, dear,” Mama carry Tsuna up. Mama pat Tsuna behind. “Don’t cry, Tsu-kun. You did very well for your first try today. Mama’s proud of you.”_

_Tsuna sniffle. Tsuna try again. Tsuna stands up._

_“Uwah~ Amazing!” Mama clap. Mama happy. Mama smile. “Tsu-kun finally did it! Do you see this, dear? Our Tsu-kun - our little baby - he finally stood on his own little feet like the brave man he’ll be! Isn’t that right, Tsu-kun?”_

_Tsu-kun happy. Tsu-kun smiles and Tsu-kun let go of chair. Mama catch Tsu-kun as Tsu-kun falls._

_“Amazing~!” Mama bounces Tsuna up. Tsuna happy. Tsuna gargle-laugh. “Amazing~! Our Tsu-kun is-! Amazing~_ _♩_ _!” Mama sing._

_Tsuna like make Mama happy. Mama happy best._

_End Recording._

…

_12.02.2002 [Recording]:_

_Camera show Tsuna._

_“Say Tou-san, Tsu-kun. Toouuu-saaan.”_

_“Hawaaah…Moou-shan. Kouuuu-shan!” Tsuna did it. Tsuna smile. Tsuna proud._

_“That’s not it!” Mama giggle. “Say ‘Tou-san’. Or ‘Kaa-san.’”_

_“Wouuu-shan…?” Tsuna wrong?_

_“Try one more time. Say ‘Tou-san’. Or ‘Kaa-san’.”_

_“T…Touuushan? Tok shan… Shan…Shan…Maaa…Kaa… Kaa-shan!” Tsuna beam._

_Mama drop mama phone._

_“…Tsu-kun!” Mama hug Tsuna on phone edge. Mama laugh. Mama look tired, so Tsuna happy Tsuna make Mama laugh. “Kaa-san loves you, Tsuna.” Mama hug Tsuna. “Kaa-san loves you more than anything in this world!” Mama pick up Tsuna. Mama kiss Tsuna face. Mama rock Tsuna. Tsuna sleepy._

_What is ‘luv’?_

_Tsuna see Tsuna fall asleep._

_End Recording._

_…_

_14.02.2003:_

_“Tsu-kun, do you love Kaa-san?”_

_“Tsu-kun love Kaa-shan most!” Tsuna beam._

_“My… Kaa-san loves you too! Tsu-kun’s the best!” Mama smile. Mama gather Tsu-kun in Mama’s arms. Mama angles Mama phone. “Shall we take a commemorative photo to send to your Tou-san? Your Tou-san said it’s fine, since it’s Valentines Day!”_

_“Balen…Balentimes…?” Tsuna confuse._

_“It’s in other words a day full of love, Tsu-kun.” Mama smile. “A day to make the people you love happy.”_

_“Oh!” Tsuna nod. Tsuna sees!_

_“On the count of three then, one, two—”_

_Snap!_

…

01.02.2004:

“Tsu-kun loves Kaa-shan.” Tsuna tell Mama (sternly). “Tsuna loves Kaa-shan.”

So Mama no more water on face.

Mama smile and Mama hug Tsuna more tight. Mama wipe water from Tsuna face.

“Kaa-san loves you too, Tsuna. More than the world.”

Tsuna lift Mama phone and Tsuna take picture.

Tsuna want remember this.

Mama smile is pretty in light.

Tsuna loves Mama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrified to post this since so many liked the first chapter. It feels literally like I'm shooting myself in the foot.
> 
> There are many ways I could have chosen to go about with this story, but the most personal way is what I've chosen. 
> 
> I hope not too many are disappointed by this continuation. (I may or may not take this chapter down for edit. Please don't be surprised.)
> 
> Here's me at the moment:  
> 
> 
> I pray this story will not fail like my other works...!


	3. Yamamoto Tsuyoshi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- It's only after rainy days does the brighter ones come ahead.

“If you’re after me, just go straight for me.”

Tsuyoshi breathes into Iemitsu’s drunken mug moments after Miyuki has coaxed Nana away. His lovely date, still oblivious to his darker past but eyes gleaming knowingly, had obviously sensed Tsuyoshi’s animosity in the form of sharp-laced jokes and unsmiling eyes. She’s the smartest woman Tsuyoshi has come across yet.

“Don’t use these underhanded methods.” Tsuyoshi hisses, tightening his grip on the man’s collar. Brown eyes flash. He only has a dagger in his coat, but Iemitsu should know as well that he’s still as deadly as ever. “Drop whatever you’re intending to do with Nana-chan. She’s got nothing to do with me.”

Iemitsu gazes at him through glazed eyes. He hiccups.

“You’re obviously mistaken if you think a line like that is gonna protect anyone around you.” Muscular hands swat him away. “ _Burrh._ Ah, I drank too much.” Iemitsu scratches the back of his neck. He looks the role of any hard labourer after a night of work and drinking.

Tsuyoshi remains deadly silent, a spring coiled tight in ready to snap in the face of its assaulter.

Brown eyes narrow as the blonde before him yawns loudly. Iemitsu slinks down against the hard wall of the alleyway, brown eyes glazed over with a familiar dewiness directed down the street the girls had gone off in. Iemitsu sighs. Tsuyoshi still can’t believe Vongola’s Young Lion is off fooling around in a whole separate continent when his famiglia’s celebrating the birth of the next heir. What is this fool thinking exactly?

“She’s a good woman.” Comes murmured behind a palm.

Tsuyoshi goes deadly still.

“…Come again?” Fingers toy with the edge of his dagger. He’ll kill – no, he’ll half-kill Iemitsu for that comment.

“Sawada Nana.” Iemitsu sighs in bliss. He drops his face into his knees, ears reddening where Tsuyoshi can see them. And Tsuyoshi stiffens, eyes widening, heart dropping. “Ne, Tsuyoshi,” Iemitsu fists his blond locks, frustrated. “Is there a way to leave mafia with a name like mine? You did it with your life intact, right?”

Tsuyoshi’s eyes soften. Still, the steel remains deeply embedded.

“I was a freelancer.” He states, facts falling without a shred of warmth from back in the restaurant. “You’ll never be able to escape mafia.”

(And he was right. Because Iemitsu never could escape his blood.)

…

03.02.04 [Recording]:

The camera switches on.

Tiny hands are covering the camera lens. Larger, dainty hands move forward to adjust the child’s grip on the phone. Giggles comes childish and delighted as the camera shifts down to the toddler’s overall-covered thighs.

“Tsu-kun, do you see this?” Nana could hear her own voice coming from the recording.

“Yes!” A delighted, almost amazed, enthusiastic answer.

Nana giggles in the recording.

“Then, that’s good.” Nana in the recording shifts, lap on which Tsuna had been sitting on shifting. “Kaa-san’s going to teach you how to clap your hands now, okay? Pay close attention to this.”

“Mmh!” An enthusiastic agreement.

“You bring your hands close together like this, and—”

_Clap—_

…

_-Snap!_

Startled by the sound, Nana looks up from the recording playing on her computer.

Standing by the frame of the door, her adorable little baby smiles shyly, blinking up at her with large brown eyes. Nana has more than gotten used to the sight of her phone in Tsuna’s hands, though concern for the possible aftermath of deleted data has led her to protect the device with plastic and even duplicate all ‘memories’ Tsuna saved. These were, of course, bought with her own depleting savings. It hurt to think of even touching their shared account after all the hurt Iemitsu has caused, and yet, her husband hasn’t returned even two months since she blocked him. Her faith dwindles with every passing minute.

Her hope’s regained with every bright smile and little improvement her Tsuna makes.

Tsuna looks shy, an emotion he had been capable of previously. What he hadn’t been capable of was shifting from foot to foot, peering up at her timidly.

“Kaa-san… what you doing?”

Nana smiles warmly and opens her arms for him.

Tsuna brightens and stumbles forward to crawl onto the sofa beside her.

“Kaa-san’s just thinking of what Kaa-san should do from now on…” She opens up the tabs she hadn’t closed. Between job applications and emails and Tsuna, she’s finding it hard to get a job without the college degree she’d given up for Iemitsu. There’s so much to regret now.

Nana sighs lightly, turning to look down at Tsuna’s parted mouth, adorably lost.

_Snap._

Tsuna takes a photo of her laptop screen.

He still looks hopelessly lost.

Nana giggles and reaches out to lightly pinch that boggled look off his face.

“Kaa-san wonders if Kaa-san should pick up some new skills.” She ponders aloud.

“New skills?” Tsuna echoes, perking in a manner not unlike the television dramas he’d recorded with her phone. Unlike their high shrill tones, Tsuna takes on a shyer stance, the words made his after a single recording. Her little Tsuna’s going to be a genius in school. “Kaa-san is good. Kaa-san no need pick up new skills!” He’s huffing, pouty and adorable.

Nana giggles, dropping to press a side hug against him.

“Thank you, Tsu-kun, but Kaa-san wants to.” She says. “But it’s no good if Tsu-kun’s the only one improving himself and Kaa-san stays the same forever, right? Kaa-san must upgrade too if Kaa-san wants to grow up like Tsu-kun!”

Tsuna remains with mouth open, lost, for a moment.

_Snap._

Another photo taken to remember where the conversation is left off.

Nana smiles helplessly but remains patiently waiting. Brown eyes flicker back to life. Tsuna snuggles up against her side, not unlike the way he did before.

“But Tsuna dun want Kaa-san leave Tsuna alone…” He whimpers into her sweater.

“Kaa-san knows.” She smiles, patting his locks wryly. Nana turns her eyes behind her reading glasses to the screen. “So Kaa-san will try to find the best job for the two of us, ne?” She strokes the base of his neck, tickling little hairs.

Tsuna mumbles something illegible into her sweater. Another snap goes off muffled in fabric. Nana laughs and curls her fingers into brown locks.

“What was your answer, Tsu-kun? Kaa-san can’t hear you.”

“…mesh.” Comes the muffled word.

“Thank you.” Nana smiles. With her son by her side, it feels possible to finally grow independent of Iemitsu.

…

“You’re looking quite well since the last time I saw you!” Tsuyoshi comments good-naturedly three months after Nana quits her part-time job at the same restaurant Tsuyoshi is preparing to take over.

He’s appreciative to her for visiting in his absence on long, tiring days at Yoshisushi to help his wife out in various things. There are times when he, as a husband, just can’t stay owing to his urgent desire to up his skills, take over the restaurant, and finally obtain a stable, safe source of income for his growing household. It helps for Miyuki to have a reliable friend like Nana, who he knows is an up and coming professional in that field. Tsuyoshi just wonders why that friend has gained a bit of weight after the last time he saw her.

“Thank you, Tsuyoshi-san! That’s very kind of you to say so!” Nana laughs, soft but delighted, lifting a hand to her face politely.

It’s in that instance that Tsuyoshi catches sight of it – a glint on her ring finger.

All warmth drains from Tsuyoshi then, even as he maintains the same comforting aura he keeps up. Miyuki leans into his side, a comforting graze of her fingers against his arm. Tsuyoshi relaxes into her touch.

“Thank you, Nana. I would ask if you’d want to see the baby, but…” Miyuki leans forward, cupping her mouth to whisper secretively. “Before that, is there something you want to tell us?”

Nana chokes up, voice strangled in a tiny soft squeak and cheeks reddening.

She claps her hands over her lips, coughing.

“ImighthavemarriedIemitsu.” Her words stick together.

“What was that?” Tsuyoshi pulls his lopsided grin up easily. He holds none of the warmth he fakes when he leans in, eyes dagger-sharp.

Nana doesn’t notice a thing.

“I-I said…! I’m Sawada Nana henceforth…!” She gasps out, voice raspy and breathless. Then moments after she has said that, Nana is tearing up, hands flying to her eyes. “Oh, I can’t believe it – You’re the first ones to know – Oh dear, I’m so happy I’m tearing – I’ve really married Iemitsu…!” She hiccups, wailing into Miyuki’s shoulder.

A paper marriage, it seems.

That fool of a man had really done it this time.

“And where is Iemitsu right now?” Miyuki asks between light pats on Nana’s shoulder.

“H-He’s flying back to Italy.” Nana sniffles. She’s smiling widely, hopelessly in love when she looks up at them. “He says he’ll be back in six months! And just in time for the birth of the baby!” A moment of awkward silence descends. Her hands fly to her mouth in a gasp. She seems to remember that she hasn’t given away that information yet.

A baby………

Tsuyoshi will grind that man to pieces and make meatballs out of him.

…

“Your resume seems adequate for the position we’re offering… But—”

“—Regarding your request, it’s a little…”

“Why do you need to bring your child to work?”

“Frankly speaking, it’s impossible to grant—”

“—Whilst our company offers family-friendly time schedules—”

“—It would be preferable if you could leave your child with any other relatives you have.”

“Haaah…” Nana steps out of the interview room with slumped shoulders.

Tsuna looks up from where he’s been seated in the chair outside, snapping pictures of the paintings, and the tiles, and the plant and the tiny ladybug by its side.

“Tsu-kun,” She smiles, kneeling before him. “It doesn’t seem to work out this time either.”

Brown eyes shift and focus in on her.

_Snap._

“Kaa-san,” A tiny hand reach out to grab hers. Tsuna offers a smile that melts away the stress of yet another failure. “It’ll be okay.” He repeats her own words spoken way too many times.

“…Mmn.” Nana smiles. “Thank you, Tsu-kun.” She plants a kiss on his head and rises to her feet, tugging her beloved child along. “Aaah~ Kaa-san wonders what I should make for dinner today~~~”

“Macaroni! Tsuna wants Macaroni!”

…

_“You’ll never be able to escape mafia.”_

Was what he said to Iemitsu all those years ago.

Turns out, the things he had said could be applied to him equally.

Tsuyoshi can’t remember much between the red that clouded his vision and the blue that swims and overflows and flood everything before him. He’s breathing hard, eyes wild and wide as red bleeds down the side of his sword. He’s breathing cold, eyes carrying not so much steel as it is rust as he sinks his sword into throats again and again. He’s breathing death, death brought to the ones who left Miyuki gaping out, eyes wide with terror; death which had invited death to his own doorstep, because he’s the culmination of death years prior and can no longer escape it.

Tsuyoshi doesn’t want to imagine how Takeshi will feel coming home to no mother. (Please, just let him die already…)

Tsuyoshi can’t let Takeshi find out his Dad is a murderer, and so Tsuyoshi calls in the Hibari’s. ( ~~To kill him~~.)

Tsuyoshi can’t bear to ask when they arrive at his doorsteps, because Takeshi still needs a father.

And so, however much he hurt when he sees Miyuki’s corpse rearranged, unborn child deep within, Tsuyoshi squeezes his eyes shut and goes to pick up Takeshi nonetheless.

Takeshi is warm in his arms the way steel runs cold through his soul.

Tsuyoshi buries his face in his son’s chest (the last remaining piece of Miyuki) and he empties himself out silently. (Takeshi holds onto him and shakes like the world’s splitting out beneath him as he wails and wails and wails.)

…

“Tsuyoshi-san.” Sawada Nana pursues her lips in concern. “Have you eaten properly in the last few days?”

Tsuyoshi is a dead man walking with a purpose still to live for.

He doesn’t let Takeshi out of his sight, tilting his head to offer a weak grin to Nana. Nana blinks at her squeaking two-year-old, who shies away from another suited man in black and buries his teary eyes in her skirt. She shushes gently at him, brings him closer to herself, the way Tsuyoshi wishes he had done so with Miyuki that morning he sent Takeshi to school.

“…I hadn’t really had an appetite today.” His voice is unlike himself. Tsuyoshi averts his eyes.

“…If you don’t mind, could you try some of the snacks I’ve made myself?” Nana reaches for her handbag.

Tsuyoshi could feel Takeshi shifting by his side. He pulls him in firmly.

“Nana-chan, I don’t really—”

“Now, now, don’t be ridiculous. All boys need food to grow big and strong, right?”

…………Haha.

Nana’s really something else, with that smile of hers.

She’s so much like Miyuki. Miyuki, who held onto her smile with brevity that could rule the world, Miyuki, who was with him up till a couple days ago, warm and brimming with positivity by his side…

Tsuyoshi lowers his head, swallowing his tears.

“…Thank you for the food.” He takes the offered jellies from her hands. It feels wrong, to have food slide down his throat when they’re supposed to be grieving, but the Tsuyoshi which Miyuki loved would have done what’s best for their child. “Takeshi, here, have some too!”

“Don’t wanna. Want Okaa—Mfph!” Tsuyoshi pops the smallest one into Takeshi’s mouth.

“There, it’s delicious, right?” Tsuyoshi grins. He ignores the fact that he’s failing again, a tear budding in the corner of his eyes.

Takeshi slowly chews and swallows. He sniffles, holding back tears. He fails too, hands fisting up on his knees as tears rain down endlessly like the rain they are. Tsuyoshi’s smile feels both sincere and forced when he drops a hand understandingly on his son’s head.

“…Thank you, Nana-chan.” He says, head lowered. “For coming to her wake.”

Nana is quiet for a moment. Tsuyoshi pretends not to see her wiping away her tears.

Then, Nana is smiling, reaching out a place a hand on top of his.

“Don’t mention it, Tsuyoshi-san. We’re friends.” She sniffles, smile wobbly. Tsunayoshi whines in concern and tears bubble up in his eyes at the sight of his own mom crying. “C-Call me whenever you need help, a-alright?”

“…Yeah.”

(He never does so for the rest of that year, choosing to put off reminders of Miyuki till everything becomes too late and Takeshi begins wearing a false smile to show far too much consideration for his useless old man.) (Only then, when he receives that call, does Tsuyoshi begin to consider that it's time to kick start the time again for the both of them.)

…

Nana finally calls after weeks of ongoing failures to secure a job.

_Click._

_“Hello? This is Takesushi.”_ Says a voice that’s more light-hearted than the last time she has seen him. That was before Tsuna’s third birthday.

“Kaa-san. Who is that?” Tsuna blinks up at her with large fearful eyes. He’s regained shyness after taking pictures of enough people.

“Sssh. Kaa-san’s on the phone with an old friend.” Nana smiles with a finger to her lips. She speaks into the phone then, answering the patient pause. “Hello, Tsuyoshi-san? This is Nana. I know this is very sudden, and I’d really hate to impose on you and Takeshi-kun—” While they are grieving goes unsaid. “—But is there by any chance that Takesushi is hiring right now?”

…

04.03.2004:

“Turn left at the next street.”

Snap.

…

04.03.2004:

“Head straight for two intersections thereafter.”

Snap.

…

04.03.2004:

“Stop after five shops, and you’re at Takesushi, Tsu-kun!” Mama smiles happily. Mama places hands on Tsuna’s shoulders. Tsuna makes sound of surprise as Tsuna turns camera from Mama to shop. Takesushi is pretty and cool. Tsuna wants to remember here.

Snap.

…

04.03.2004:

There is a boy on Tsuna’s other side. ‘Takeshi’, his name is. Tsuna remember because Mama take picture of Takeshi before with Tsu-kun.

Takeshi look into his camera. Takeshi has black hair and brown pretty eyes. Takeshi smiles at camera and makes peace sign. Tsu-kun remember drama where yellow hair girl make peace sign to ask for photo. Tsu-kun presses down on camera button.

Snap.

…

04.03.2004:

“Tsu-kun, do you like Takeshi-kun?” Mama smiles. Tsuna see Mama talking with big uncle named Tsuyoshi. Tsuna remember because Mama take picture of Tsuyoshi before with Tsu-kun. “Takeshi-kun makes good photos, doesn’t he? He is a very cool boy after all!” Mama knows what Tsu-kun is feeling.

“Mmn.” Tsuna nods. Tsuna shy, because Tsuna don’t know Takeshi and Tsuyoshi well. “Takeshi smiles nice.” Tsuna says softly. “Takeshi’s teeth very white and pretty.”

Takeshi laughs.

“Heheh! Thank you, Tsuna!” Takeshi red in face. “Nobody ever said that before!” Takeshi look at Tsuna like Tsuna does when Mama bring macaroni.

Snap.

…

04.03.2004:

“Haha!” Takeshi laugh. “Tsuna’s mouth is dirty!”

Takeshi take white napkin and Takeshi get closer to camera. Takeshi wipe Tsuna’s mouth and make camera shake. Unnh. Tsuna does not like that. But,

“Takeshi is good person!” Tsuna says loudly, like Tsuna does when Mama bring macaroni. Tsuna likes Takeshi because Takeshi is good person.

“Eh?!” Takeshi turn red again.

TV Drama say people should ask when people turn red, so Tsuna asks.

“Takeshi, are you okay?” Takeshi moves closer to Tsuyoshi. Tsuyoshi laughs when Takeshi hide face. TV Drama say when people hide face, people are – “I-I’m sorry! Takeshi, don’t cry! B-Because if you cry—” Camera is clear. But camera is shaking. Water drop down into camera. Uuhh? What is happening?

“Uh?! T-Tsuna?! Don’t cry!” Takeshi pull face out. “I am not crying!” Takeshi face worried.

Tsuna – Tsuna – Tsuna --……………………

Snap.

…

04.03.2004:

“Takeshi not mad?” Tsuna sniffle.

Takeshi look strange at camera.

“Why am I mad?” Takeshi asks.

Takeshi is strange.

“Takeshi does not no like me?”

“Uhh?” Takeshi tilt head. “I like you, Tsuna!”

Wha-……

Tsuna shy. Tsuna hide face in Mama’s side.

“Aw… No need to be so shy, Tsu-kun.” Mama giggles.

Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

…

04.03.2004:

“Takeshi-kun just wants to be friends with you.” Mama says.

Tsuna slowly move camera up.

Takeshi listening to something Tsuyoshi saying.

“…Tsuna!” Takeshi look up at camera. Takeshi gives large white milky smile. “Let’s play lots of games from now on! Let’s play baseball! It’s fun!”

……………………………-

Snap.

…

04.03.2004:

Tsuna still dunno answer.

“…You don’t wanna?” Takeshi looks sad though Takeshi smiling.

“…Takeshi will play with me?” Tsuna asks.

“Of course!” Takeshi brighten.

“Takeshi… will let Tsuna take pictures?”

“Sure!” Takeshi look confuse why Tsuna asks.

“Takeshi…won’t leave Tsuna alone?”

“I won’t!” Takeshi laugh. Takeshi take Tsuna hand. Tsuna’s camera shake because of it. But Tsuna like it. Takeshi is smiling in camera when Tsuna brings it up. “Let’s go play, Tsuna! We’re friends now!”

Tsuna is happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Thank you all for your sweet comments! I'll reply them when I do find the time to, but I just want you all to know I appreciate all your kind, _kind_ words, and there's not a single comment that failed to put a smile on my face. (Yes, I was that creepy smiling girl on the bus.)
> 
> \- Do leave a comment to let me know what you think of the characterization thus far! Tbh, and I don't want to make excuses for it, I feel I've written Tsuyoshi too somber internally. It is his past, but he is a rain, and I'm definitely going to have to up his Yamamoto-ness from an external viewpoint if I don't want him going OOC. Still not too sure on Nana's characterization either. I wonder if I've changed her too much? 
> 
> \- Thank you for reading! The next update will be after next week. Hopefully, I managed to deliver this time and keep the ball rolling for this story.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me something (kudos/bookmark/subscription/comments, anything) to let me know you're interested in this. (ಥ﹏ಥ) I'm not good with extended silence on my stories


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